Our Mr Tam
by JMD-009
Summary: Five hundred years in the future Xander is still getting himself into sticky situations. Buffy, Firefly crossover. Story 1 of the 'Lost in Serenity' series.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

Notes: This is just a quick fic I wrote after rewatching my Firefly DVD's. Hopefully it gets my muse going again. It's based off the Firefly episode 'Our Mrs. Reynolds'.

Notes2: This has grown to become a multi-chapter fic and the first part of a series..

--o--o--o--

_Space ships and cowboys. What an odd combination._ Xander thought as the cargo doors closed, cutting off the view of Elder Gommen on the dust filled path. He barely felt it as the Firefly class ship began its way to atmo as he shook his head with a small grin playing on his lips. _But it seems to work somehow._

"Need some help storing those supplies?" Xander asked the captain of the 'boat' as he'd heard it called. "The least I can do for you giving me a lift off this rock."

The man shook his head as he hefted another box. "As I recall you're paying good money for this ride."

"True, I just feel like I should make myself useful during the trip."

"Money's useful," the captain said before nodding at the big guy rapidly leaving the room. "We have sit down meals most nights, but if you're hungry follow Jayne. Likely where he's headed."

Xander was about to protest when his stomach made its opinion known. Loudly. He had the good grace to look a little sheepish. "Ah, ya, maybe I'll do that then."

As he follow the big guy up the stairs Xander could have sworn he heard a chuckle from the captain. No sooner had he made it to the kitchen than a woman's voice came over the intercom.

"This is Zoë. We need all personnel in the cargo bay."

The big guy grunted his displeasure but quickly made his way down nonetheless. Xander stood there for a moment wondering if he should follow. His stomach chose that moment to growl loudly again.

"Oh shush you," he said before heading back down himself.

What he found was an obviously surprised and flustered captain, a meek woman in front of him and a crew that was enjoying his displeasure far too much. He decided to stay back some and watch the drama unfold. _Who knew this trip would be a lot like high school?_

As he arrived he heard the cute mechanic exclaim, "You got married?!"

_Oh ya this was going to be good._

"Well, that's, uh…" The normally well-spoken doctor seemed to be at a loss here. "Congratulations?"

Xander nearly laughed out loud at how much like a question the doc made that sound. He actually let a chuckle slip when the captain out cried 'She's no one' in frustration, only to glare at the man as his new missus burst into tears.

Even the perpetually peppy mechanic lost some of her pep at that as she turned on the man. "Captain!"

The captain struggle to come up with some way, any way, out of this before finally turning to the crying young woman and asking in an almost pleading voice, "Would you stop that."

"I'm sorry," she said as she shrunk back.

The jovial pilot piped in with a jib at the captain at that point. "You brute."

_Speaking of the pilot_, Xander reminded himself, _I have to ask him where he gets those shirts. I've been looking for a decent Hawaiian since I got to this time._

"Hey sweetie," the mechanic said as she put a comforting arm around the girl. "Don't feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He's like a monster."

Xander had to slap a hand over his mouth at that point to smother the laugh as the captain exclaimed 'I'm not a monster' before he turned to the pilot. "Wash turn the ship around."

"Can't." The pilot, Wash apparently, responded unrepentantly.

"That's an order!"

"Yeah, but can't," the pilot repeated. "The Alliance touched down the second after we left, and there's already a bulletin on the cortex as to the murder of a prefect's nephew. That's right, one of our bandits has family ties. So unless you feel like walking into a gallows, I suggest we continue on to Beaumonde, and you... enjoy your honeymoon."

"This isn't happening," the captain said more to himself than anyone else as he futilely tried to regain control over the situation.

"Would you stop cryin'?" That had about as much effect on his new wife as it did the last time.

"For God's sake Mal!" The beautiful and elegant woman dressed in clothes probably worth more than his old car yelled, which Xander figured was a rarity for her. "Could you be a human being for thirty seconds?"

The pilot came back over at that point and Xander was no longer able to stifle all his chuckling. "As one married man to another - "

"I'm not married!" The captain exclaimed finally seeming to crack as he turned to the young woman who started it all. "I'm sorry. You - you have very nice qualities, but I didn't ever marry you."

"I believe you did," the shepherd said as he came back in the room, having apparently slipped away, with a palm pilot looking thing in his hand. "Last night."

The captain turned to the big guy. "How drunk was I last night?"

He just responded with a shrug. "Well I dunno. I passed out."

"It says here," the shepherd said as he began to read from the screen. "The woman lays a wreath upon her intended, which I do recall, which represents his sovereignty."

Xander only vaguely heard the captain's 'that was you?' as he stopped laughing.

Wait a minute…

"And he drinks of her wine. And then there's a dance, with a joining of hands. The marriage ceremony of the Triumph settlers. You, sir, are a newlywed."

"What's it say in there about divorce?" That was apparently the last careless comment the mysterious missus could stand as she bolted from the room in tears.

The mechanic and captain shared an exchange in Chinese but Xander ignore it. Not like he could understand it anyways. Besides he was too distracted to care.

Images of personified grace in a blue dress flash before Xander's eyes as he vividly recalls flowers, wine and dancing.

"Oh crap!" And he must have said that out loud as all eyes were suddenly on him.

Before he could think of anything to say a rather familiar girl in blue took his hand and leaned into his side contently. If he had ever done a better deer in headlights impression Xander couldn't think of when.

"River?" the doctor questioned looking at her confused and cautious and him like something he scrapped off his overly expensive shoes.

Xander never felt so much like a cornered animal. Even when he was possessed by the Hyena. He wanted to say something, anything to get out of this. So he chose the most eloquent thing he could at that point.

"Oh crap!"

River, however, was much more direct as she happily informed everyone, "We're married!"

Silence reigned in the cargo bay, as no one seemed to know what to say about this development, though the doctor's face was turning an interesting shade of red. This was so much funnier when it was happening to the captain.

Xander looked up to the ceiling and asked, "What did I ever do to you?"

River decided to respond for the Almighty by kicking him in the shin and leaving in huff.

As he hopped around on one foot Xander wondered aloud. "Why am I always the universe's butt-monkey?"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

Staring at the stunned faces Xander briefly considered running. Then he realised he was on a cargo ship out in space somewhere and that didn't exactly leave many places to run to.

"Married?!" Simon exclaimed. "How in tyen shiao-duh are you married to my sisters?!"

"Easy there doctor," Mal said as he grabbed the man's arm before he did something foolish. Like get himself beaten to a pulp by their guest. Doc had many a talent, fighting's not among them. "Imagine he's just as surprised as I am with my wife."

"Not to mention your sister's kwong-juh duh," Jayne cut in, apparently thoroughly enjoying the doctor's displeasure. "Complete whack job that one."

"Ya, it's probably just a misunderstanding. You know how River can get. Maybe she was just playin' a game" Kaylee said as she gave Simon's hand a reassuring squeeze. He seemed, Xander noticed, to relax slightly at her touch.

"At the risk of upsetting overprotective brothers," Xander spoke up with a hand sheepishly half raised, "and people with guns, but I think I actually did marry her."

"Go on son," Shepherd Book encouraged before anyone else could interrupt.

"Well the thing is, I remember everything you read us. The flowers, the wine, the dancing, all of it." Xander paused for a second, a small smile forming on his face. "Seemed like great fun at the time. Haven't had any of that in awhile. Saw someone else doing the same thing so I didn't see any harm in it."

"You're blaming this on _me_?" Mal exclaimed incredulously.

Everyone ignored him as they focused on the young man looking like he was about to throw himself out the air lock just to get away.

"Tough break," Jayne said before climbing the stairs. "I'll be in my bunk."

Kaylee came and put a comforting arm around his shoulder. "You poor man."

"If you need any advice-"

"Husband." Zoë cut in causing Wash to shrug, but stop making that offer.

"Hey!" Mal called out. "How come this was funny when it was me but this guy gets sympathy?"

"Because we know you?" Wash stated/asked.

"Ya Captain." Kaylee agreed. "All the world's you've been to you should know better."

"How do we know he shouldn't?"

Kaylee waved him off. "He's got kind eyes."

Mal stared at her like she'd grown a second head before throwing his hands up. "That's it! I'm going to go find my _wife_!"

"Me too."

"I should find River."

Came the simultaneous responses as the captain left the room. They turned to each other, Simon with a glare and Xander with an unreadable expression. The staring contest carried on for over a minute before they both abruptly left the room. In opposite directions.

--o--o--o--

Evidently Xander didn't have to go far before he found her. Or, more accurately, she found him.

He'd just finished searching the common room when River appeared from nowhere and swung herself into his arms. Xander only caught her on reflex as he tried to will himself not have a heart attack.

"Husband," she proclaimed with a wide smile.

"Sorry to break this to you," Xander told her as he gently put the younger girl down. "But we aren't staying married."

"Yes we are," she said simply, staying well within his personal space.

"No we aren't," he replied backing up a step.

"Yes." She followed.

Another step. "No."

"Yes." Again she followed

"No!" he exclaimed as he backed up further, but he just couldn't seem to get away from the persistent girl.

"Yes"

"NO!" Xander cried out, unsure whether it was because of the argument or the fact the she now had him trapped against the wall.

"You think I'm pretty," River put in suddenly as she ran her hands over his chest.

"Well ya, but – Wait, what?"

"You think I'm pretty," she repeated. "And we'll stay married."

Xander sighed and gently pushed her away. "Look, River, I'm sure you're a very nice girl, but we aren't going to stay married."

"Of course we will," River told him with like it was the most obvious thing in the world as she skipped towards the door.

"And how do you figure that?"

She stopped and gave him an impish grin over her shoulder. "Because the stars told me so."

And with that she was gone, leaving Xander staring dumbly where she had stood.

"Well," he said after a long moment, "that can't be good.

--o--o--o--

Xander looked carefully down both sides of the hall before closing the door to the small room he was given for his trip on Serenity. Immediately he locked the door, hoping to discourage crazy wives and overprotective brothers.

With a long sigh he ran his hands over his face.

_Ahhh! Another fine mess you've gotten yourself into!_ He thought to himself.

After a few deep, calming breaths he turned to the large duffle resting on the bed. Barely three quarters full it housed nearly all his worldly possessions.

Opening it up Xander grabbed the paper bag resting at the top. Some fresh fruit he'd picked up on Triumph. He figured he would bring it to dinner as a peace offering of sorts.

Xander came up short as he saw the object the bag was resting on. A large old tome, not unlike the countless he had gone through back in Sunnydale. Only this one was obviously more modern, with colour pictures and paper quality that reminded him of the history books he read (skimmed) in high school.

Hesitantly Xander put the fruit aside and picked up the tome.

The book was a real find. As far as he could tell few books made it from Earth to this part of the 'verse, but occasionally he came across one that caught his eye. This one here was a history of the Watcher's Council. Or one volume of the collection anyways.

He turned to a well-worn page around the middle of the thick volume. A photograph of a battle hardened man dominated nearly half the page. Despite the eye patch one could almost confuse the man as his twin. If they ignored what seemed to be nearly a decade age difference that is.

Even though he had read it so many times since finding the tome Xander still felt his heart constrict as he read the heading at the top of the page.

Alexander Lavelle Harris

Traitor


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

He couldn't hide forever. Eventually he would have to leave the small passenger cabin he was staying in. His peace offering wouldn't do any good if it sat in here with him. Besides, it was a small ship and he'd be much easier for the crazy girl calling herself his wife to find...

Xander took a deep breath to calm his nerves and opened the door.

He sighed audibly as the only person he saw was Shepherd Book in the cabin across the way smoothing the last wrinkle from the bed and admiring his work.

Suddenly the crazy wife herself came down the narrow hall and Xander stiffened, preparing himself for the worst. River walked on by without giving him a second glance. On silent foot she headed into the other room, throwing off the bedcovers and taking the little red pillow. As she turns for the door, Shepherd on her heels, River's eyes meet his.

Bypassing thought Xander simply reacted with Sunnydale trained instincts when facing predators. He bolts.

He didn't get far as she cornered him in the common area again. In the back of his mind he makes a note to start avoiding the place.

As she took his hand in hers River turned to Shepherd Book with a glowing smile. "We want you to marry us."

"We're not married?" Xander asked with thinly veiled hope. A hope that was dashed as the Shepherd answered at the same time with, "You're already married to him River."

River rolled her eyes and gave Book her most patient look. One she usually only reserved for Simon when he just wasn't getting what she was trying to tell him. "A second ceremony so that our friends and family can attend."

"That's a very nice idea River but-" Book never got to finish as River cut him off.

"Today would be best."

"Perhaps it would be best to wait," Book said trying to placate the girl until something else took her attention. "You have friends and family here but I'm sure the young man would like to invite his as well."

She waved her hand dismissively. "They're all dead."

Book watched as Xander's eyes clouded and he took on a haunted look that didn't belong on such a young face. "She's not wrong there Shepherd."

Leaving the mystery of the boy for another time Book turned back to River before this got out of hand. "Be that as it may you'd probably want a more traditional wedding than that on Triumph." River nodded. "Well that takes planning. You don't even have a wedding dress."

If anything River's smile grew. "You're right! I'll get Kaylee to help!"

"I'm sure she'd be happy to assist," Book told her, glad to have put an end to this before things exploded. Unfortunately he thought too soon as Xander had finally got his wits back and had enough.

"We are not getting married!" He exclaimed. "We're already married and we're not staying that way!"

"Now son, this won't help matters."

Xander turned to Book, a biting retort on his lips. Call him what you will but he always had an easier time lashing out at men than women, insult trading with Cordelia notwithstanding. Even when angered, or in this case frustrated.

The retort died on his lips as he turned back to River as she tugged on his hand. The red pillow was gone and she patted the new lump on her stomach. "Now we have to stay married. I'm in the family way."

Xander ran his hands through his hair in frustration and took a deep breath. "You can't be pregnant we haven't even had sex."

River grinned and started pulling him back towards the passenger dorms. "Let's go fix that."

"Well," Mal said as he and the skittish redhead from before came down the stairs, "if this isn't an interesting conversation to walk in half way."

River ignored him was she tried to get Xander moving again. "Come along dear."

"We are not having sex!"

River turned to the other three in the room. "He thinks I'm going to throw him out in his underwear afterwards, but I won't." She tilts her head and gets a contemplative look like this is something she'd thought hard on. "It's cold in space, I'd let him get dressed first."

Simon chose that moment to enter, all right barge into, the room. Xander was so happy to see the doctor that if he hadn't thought it would bring attention to him he could have kissed him. As it was he used the distraction the ensuing argument caused to extract himself from River and use those tried and true Sunnydale instincts again. He fled.

--o--o--o--

"AAAAHHHH!" The startled scream filled the engine room.

Kaylee put a hand to her chest trying to will her pounding heart back to normal speeds. "What are you doing in there?"

"Hiding from my wife," Xander told her as pulled himself upright from where he'd been half hidden by Kaylee's hammock. He paused as he got to his feet. "That sounded a little pathetic didn't it?"

"No, well, maybe a little," Kaylee admitted.

"Sooo," Xander drawled after an awkward pause. "You won't tell anyone I screamed like a little girl will you?"

Kaylee just gave him smile and changed the subject. Xander wasn't sure whether he should be nervous about that or not. "So why are you hiding in here."

"My beautiful, intelligent, unrelenting wife, whom I'm beginning to think isn't all there, wants to throw me down and have her wicked way with me… Why am I here again?"

"Because you're a good man who doesn't want to take advantage of a young girl?"

"Right, right, that's it," Xander said nodding his head with the words like he just remembered something important. "Of course I might be the one taken advantage of in that scenario, but close enough."

Just then Jayne burst into the room, gun drawn. "I heard a scream. Do I need to shoot someone?" he asked hopefully.

Kaylee shook her head. "He just startled me is all."

"Gorramit," the big man said almost sulkily as he put his gun away. "Foods on the table anyway. Get some before it gets gone."

Kaylee giggled when Xander mouthed 'thank you' as they followed Jayne to the dinning area.

Jayne plopped unceremoniously into the nearest chair and began to fill his plate with food. Kaylee felt Xander come to a stop beside her and turned to see him staring at the table with apprehension. Looking back she realized what had brought him up short. There were only two spots left at the table. One right next to an expectant looking River and another at the far end where the captain normally sat.

Taking pity on the man Kaylee took the seat next to River earning herself quite the look from the girl in the process. She could almost see some of the stress leave Xander's face though, as he sat at the end of the table, at least being able to eat dinner with a little less drama.

"So, where's the captain and um… his wife?" Xander asked awkwardly.

"He already ate," Zoë answered simply.

Wash, however, felt the need to elaborate. "Saffron made him fresh bao!"

"Fresh bao!" Jayne exclaimed. "And we're eating this slop why?"

"She only made enough for the captain."

"He could have made her make enough for all of us!"

Zoë glared at the bigger man. "She's not a slave girl Jayne."

"Still… Fresh bao!"

"It was good." Wash piped in.

"You had some too?"

"Only the leftovers."

"Well, it's not fresh bao-" Xander said as he placed the paper bag in the centre of the table, "but I thought these would be nice for dessert tonight."

"Trying to curry our favour with gifts Xander?" Inara asked with a knowing smile on her lips.

"No, of course not." He paused. "Why? Is it working?"

A round of laughter went around the table. Even Simon gave a slight chuckle.

"So what do ya got in here?" Kaylee asked as she peered in into the bag only to squeal in delight as she pulled out a plump juicy strawberry.

Ignoring her meal completely Kaylee brought the fruit to her lips. Her eyelids fluttered shut as she bit into the strawberry; a soft, sensuous moan escaped her lips. "Ohhh, marry me?"

"Gorramit!" Jayne exclaimed. "How many wives does one man need?"

Everyone had another laugh over that. Well, except River and Simon.

--o--o--o--

Dinner was a rather uneventful affair after that. Conversation came easier as everyone traded stories while River alternated between stomping on Simon's foot every time he tried to open his mouth and trying to play footsie with Xander.

"I'll do the dishes tonight." Shepherd Book volunteered as they finished the meal, and the last of the fruit. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth the others quickly began to abandon the kitchen.

"Xander?" The Shepherd called as he began filling the sink with soap and water. "Could you stay and give me a hand?"

Xander just shrugged and grabbed a couple plates to clear. It was several minutes after they settled into the routine of Book washing, Xander drying and putting away before another word was spoken.

"Quite the eventful day isn't it?" Book asked.

Xander gave a short laugh devoid of humour. "You could say that. Not everyday a guy finds out he got married without knowing it. Not exactly something I was expecting ya know?" He shook his head. "Maybe if I'd actually made it to Vegas but not here."

Book stared at him quizzically for a moment before turning back to the dish he was scrubbing. "Things will turn out all right in the end. You'll see."

"The way you say it I almost believe you."

"She's a good girl," Book told Xander as he handed him another dish. "Intelligent if strange at times. And I can tell you are a good man, with a good heart."

"I…" Xander paused not sure what to say. "Thanks," He finally said simply.

"If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre."

Xander nearly dropped his plate as he looked over at Book who hadn't even missed a beat in his scrubbing or even looked up during the little speech.

"Take advantage of her?!" Xander asked incredulously. "Have we been on the same ship?!"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

The rest of the dishes went by in relative silence after the talks of 'special hells'. It was a companionable silence though and Xander couldn't help but grin tiredly as he made his way back to his room.

The very notion that he might take advantage of River was ridiculous. If anything it was his virtue, such as it may be, that was at risk. He let out an amused snort at the thought and could almost feel a weight being lifted off his shoulders as he was finally able to see some humour in the situation. Which, he suspected, was part of the Shepherd's plan from the start.

Not to say there wasn't a legitimate note of warning in the speech. There certainly was. It was just the incredulity of Book's comment that caught him off guard. It forced the class clown part of his brain back to the fore and got him to see things in a different light. If nothing else it did wonders for his stress level.

Xander yawned heavily as he reached the door to his room. New humour or not he still hesitated at the handle.

_Thank God. Still locked_. He let out an audible sigh.

Tiredly Xander made his way into the room, not bothering with the lights. Unceremoniously he sank to the edge of the bed and bent down to work on his boots.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a pair of slender arms encircled his waist. Instead he jumped to the far side of the room and hit the light switch.

"River!" Xander exclaimed. "The door was… when I left… still when I got… How!?"

River giggled. "Locks are easy."

"Keep scaring the life out of me and I'll put a bell on you!" Xander threatened.

She just giggled some more and sat up, the bed sheet sliding down her body.

"Wow there!" Xander tried to look anywhere but the naked girl in his bed. "Clothes. Of the good clothes would be."

River ignored his broken protests, not bothering to cover up any as she pointed to his hand. "You won't need that."

Against his better judgement Xander looked long enough to follow her hand. He blinked in surprise at the stake he hadn't realized he had pulled and dropped it like it burnt.

River pointed lower and grinned wickedly. "That you'll need."

Xander squeezed his eyes shut and brought his hands together in front of him to block himself from her view. "Special hell, special hell," he repeated over and over to himself like a mantra.

"Come to bed now please," River said as she patted the place next to her.

"I'm not sleepy."

River looked at him quizzically. "Sleep is not required." She looked him up and down. "You are however overdressed. Remove your clothing."

Xander didn't even care that it was becoming habit forming. He bolted from the room before he did something that would get him shot.

--o--o--o--

When Mal found him Xander was curled up half asleep behind some boxes in the cargo bay. In a low voice he was muttering to himself. "Special hell, special hell, special hell."

"Great," Mal grumbled. "Why do I keep getting the crazy passengers?"

Xander started at the voice but calmed when he realized it wasn't a crazy girl trying to seduce him. "Huh, what? Captain?"

"Don't you have a perfectly good bunk?" Mal asked.

"River-"

Mal stopped him. "I've heard enough. Come with me."

Xander gulped as the captain led him towards the stairs. At least it wasn't the airlock. That had to be a good sign. Right?

When they reached the kitchen Mal pointed him to one of the chairs. Obediently Xander sat as Mal started rummaging through a low cupboard. He came out with a brown bottle and two glasses in hand. "Got to hid these from Jayne else I'd never get myself a decent drink."

Putting the glasses on the table Mal filled both and slid one to Xander. "Way I see it if any two people on this boat need a drink it's us."

"Normally I'm make some crass comment about my father and say no thanks," Xander told him as he took the glass in hand and examined the amber liquid sloshing about. "But tonight I dare say I need this."

With that he lifted the glass to his lips and downed the entire contents in one fluid motion. Xander's eyes widened as the liquid burned its way down his throat. "Smooth," He croaked, fighting not to cough.

Mal just laughed at the younger man's expression before making a show of downing his own glass. Smirking he sets the empty glass down. "Ahhh."

"Show off."

For a moment Mal thought about commenting about a man Xander's age not being able to hold his liquor but thought better of it. The comment about his father gave a good indication as to why.

Instead he refilled their glasses and said, "So you got a 'special hell' speech too."

"Ya, what's up with that?"

"Preacher's got a smutty mind that's what."

Xander nodded his agreement as he grabbed his glass. It didn't burn as much the second time, though he wasn't sure if he was just starting to get used to it or if it was because this time he only took a sip. "He seems to be under the impression that I'm a lecherous old man who'll take advantage of young girls."

Mal shook his head amused. "Odd thing hearin' you call River young and you old. You could probably pass for a bit older but I'd doubt you're older that twenty, maybe twenty one."

Xander snorted. "Depends on if we're talking physical age or chronological age."

Mal blinked at the man. "There's a difference?"

"Nineteen," Xander told him quickly. "I'm nineteen."

Xander could see in his eyes the Captain filed away the odd answer for later. "So how are things with the missus going?" He said trying to change the subject.

For a moment it seemed like Mal would say something. Instead he let it drop for now.

"A might skittish," Mal told him. "But I have to admit, she makes a mean bao."

Xander laughed. "So Wash says. Jayne was upset he didn't get any."

"Imagine so." Mal agreed.

"You're lucky," Xander told him. "My wife keeps trying to seduce me. I found her naked in my bed."

Mal gave him a significant look and Xander added, "You found me sleeping in the cargo bay."

Mal nodded. "Point."

They swapped stories about their encounters with their new wives for a while, each making comments here and there. Mal laughed at the younger man's plight while silently commending his self-control. Xander laughed more at the situation in general while shuddering at the thought of what he'd end up with if River tried to cook for him like Saffron had for Mal.

--o--o--o--

Xander just sat there for a while after Mal had left. There was no way he was going back to his room until he knew for sure that River was in her own. Plus he didn't really have the ambition to move. Not to say he was that drunk. In truth he had a good buzz going on but stopped at that. He was just tired and sluggish.

He kept looking at the glasses on the table debating on the merits of taking them to the sink. It just seemed like too much work at this point. Sighing he grabbed the glasses and stood up anyway.

As he dropped the glasses in the sink Xander heard a strange noise in the hall towards the bridge. Curiosity getting the best of him Xander turned towards the doorway.

He came up short as a redheaded form nearly ran into him.

"I'm sorry sir," she told him looking away. "I didn't realize anyone else was up."

"It's alright. Saffron right?"

"Yes sir."

"Can't sleep?" Xander asked.

"How could I? Everything is so wondrous out here," she said looking up with bright eyes. "I have never been on a ship before. The idea that something so small can travel the stars is something I could only dream of in the maiden house."

"Tell me about it. This is new to me too. Until a little while ago the very idea of travelling to other worlds seemed so out there."

"Have you ever heard the myth of Earth-That-Was?" Saffron asked as she placed a hand on his chest.

Xander gulped and cut her off. "I've heard a lot of myths. What are you doing?"

"We've both seem to have led sheltered lives. Both placed in a situation we did not ask," she told him while rising to meet his lips. "Soon I'll be away from this place and away from you. But please sir, make this night what it should be."

Xander gently pushed her away. "I'm married. Even if it wasn't intentional I'm the loyal type." After a moment he added bluntly, "So you're evil right?"

"What?"

"You're hitting on me so you're either evil or crazy and I've already got a crazy wife." He paused and scrunched his brow in thought as he got his first good clear look at her face. "Wait a minute. Haven't I seen you before somewhere?"

Saffron didn't respond, instead she sent her fist towards his face. Xander blocked more on reflex than anything else and returned with a straight punch of his own. His connected, knocking Saffron back and bending her over the counter.

He couldn't see her face but Xander could hear her tears as she begged. "Please! I didn't mean it! Please don't' hurt me!"

Acting on instinct Xander rushed to comfort the distraught woman and placed a soothing hand on her back. "I'm not going to hurt you if you don't try to hurt me."

He never saw the metal coffee pot. He sure as hell felt it though. Then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

"Damn it!" Xander cursed loudly.

Looking down the deserted road then back to the smoking car he got from his Uncle Rory for cheap Xander gave it a frustrated kick. "Damn it!" he cursed again, this time hopping around rubbing his sore foot.

Now he knew why his uncle practically gave it away. He glanced over at a nearby sign. Oxnard 5 miles.

CLANG

Xander closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten. Turning around he saw the door he just kicked lying on the ground next to his car.

We a sigh of defeat Xander gave into the inevitable. He started walking.

As he passed the sign something odd happened. With every step he took the world around him became a little brighter. It was slow at first. Too little to even notice really. It was about five minutes before Xander realized something was amiss.

"Whozza whatnow?!" he exclaimed as the process sped up and the landscape rapidly faded to white. It was bright and pure and all around him. You couldn't tell where the sky ended and the earth began. If there even was an earth or sky.

"Hey kid." Xander heard behind him.

There was a sharp pain in his face as he turned around and his vision blurred. "Hey kid."

As his eyes refocused all Xander saw was a hand coming towards his face. "Gorramit kid! Wake up!"

Xander didn't think he just reacted. As the hand neared him Xander's own shot up and twisted hard, catching his attacker off guard and sending them to the ground with him. _Wait? Why am I on the ground?_

Then he saw the coffee pot on the ground next to him and it all came back. _Oh, right. I was an idiot and got suckered._

"Jayne no!" He heard someone yell. Xander turned his head and his eyes widened as a large fist stopped mere centimetres from sending him back to lala land.

"Uhhh… morning?" Xander edged away from Jayne's fist and massaged his stinging cheeks. "Were you slapping me?"

"Had to wake you up."

"You had us worried for a second there," Kaylee told him, apparently the one who had stopped Jayne from clobbering him. The big guy grunted at her comment. "Okay, you had me worried at least."

"Not as sissy-like as you look," Jayne said as he grabbed a… blowtorch?… and left the room.

With a groan Xander took Kaylee's offered hand and pulled himself upright. It took a couple seconds to get his bearings.

_Man, coffee pots can pack a punch._

"What's going on?" He asked as Kaylee started leading him out of the room. She was in close, trying to give him support to walk. It was nice of her and Xander didn't have the heart to tell her he could walk just fine on his own. Besides, there was a guilty little part of him that liked that there was someone to worry about him. It wasn't something he'd had in… well since he ended up stuck in this time. _Though if everything goes right with this delivery…_

"Oh, Saffron knocked the Captain, Wash and you out, locked us outta the bridge and stole a shuttle." How she managed to say that and still sound cheery was a mystery to Xander.

As they entered the hallway with the crew quarters that leads to the bridge Xander saw Jayne at the end door trying to cut his way in. They came to a sudden stop at one of the alcoves.

Kaylee pointed at the ladder and said, "Doctor's down there with Wash and the Captain. Wants to check your head too."

"But-" Protests died on his lips when he made the mistake of looking Kaylee in the eyes. Instead he started down the latter to Mal's room, grumbling about unfairness of innocent eyes and puppy dog looks.

When he reached the bottom Xander took in the room. Off to the one side of the ladder Inara was half laying against a wall, Book was standing to the other side of the ladder. Wash sat on Mal's bed, an icepack pressed to his head and Zoë by his side. Simon was leaning over Mal, prone on the floor, as he started to come to.

"Is it Christmas?"

"Well, he's back," Simon commented as he helped the Captain to his feet.

"What happened to me?"

"Your blushing bride was a plant," Zoë told him then gave Wash and Xander significant looks. "She took three of you out."

"How did-?"

"Narcotic compound," Simon explained before Mal even finished the question. "Probably spread over a seal on her lips. You get it on yours and pow."

Zoë sent a Mal a look. "Lips, huh? "

"Well…"

Simon saved the Captain by picking up his explanation. "Yeah, we used to get a lot of guys brought in on the night shift at the ER. Usually robbed, very groggy. They called it the good night kiss."

Zoë grinned. "So you two were kissin'?"

"Well. Isn't that... special?" The Shepherd added, causing both Xander and Mal to shift uncomfortably.

"Wash," Mal said suddenly. "How did-"

Wash held up his hands. "Hey, I just got kicked in the head."

"My man would never fall for that jien huo." Zoë added as she put an arm around her husband.

"Most of my head wishes I had," Wash commented as Mal turned towards Xander.

Much the same as Wash Xander raised his hands placating. "Hey, I resisted both Saffron and River tonight. I deserve a freaking metal."

"You guys don't understand."

"Seems pretty simple from here." Book said. "You were taking  
advantage of her."

"I was the one being taken advantage of!" Mal exclaimed.

"My apologies. You were victimized, Wash and Xander were beaten, and Inara found you here.

"Then I fell," Inara cut in groggily. "My head got hurt like Wash."

Mal shook his head. "I don't get any of this.

"I only fell, is all."

"What the hell's our status?" The Captain asked.

Zoë straightened. "We're shut down. Jayne and Kaylee are trying to get us on the bridge. "

"All we know is we're headed somewhere," Wash picked up. "And it ain't Beaumonde."

Mal nodded and headed up the ladder, Wash, Zoe and Book following closely behind. Simon grabbed his kit and went to Inara.

"I'm- I'm fine. I don't need to be examined." Inara waved him off. "I'm comfy."

The doctor hesitated for a minute before turning and heading for Xander.

Xander shook his head and suppressed a wince at the action. "S'alright Doc. I've been knocked around so much a little bump on the head won't keep me down for long."

Simon didn't hesitate as long on him before heading up the ladder himself. Xander guessed he was still miffed about the married to his sister thing.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" Inara asked after a few minutes alone with Xander grinning at her. Her words were barely slurring anymore and Xander figured she would be back to normal soon.

"You kissed the captain," Xander said in a singsong voice.

"What. No I just fell. I-"

Xander held up his hand to stop her. "No worries. I'll never tell."

With that Xander stood and headed up the ladder before Inara could say another word. The rest of the crew was gathered in the hall as Jayne and Kaylee tried to cut their way onto the bridge.

River handed him an ice pack. He didn't even question why she had one ready for him or how she knew he'd need it. It wasn't weird enough to even register in his mind right now. Instead Xander just gratefully took the pack and sighed contently as he placed it on his aching head.

Sparing her a glance and a nod of thanks he noticed she was back in her blue dress.

"At least she was didn't steal one of my shirts," Xander muttered louder than he meant to.

"A paradox. Colours that should not exist in nature yet do. Bright, so bright they burn the eyes and seared the brain. Clash, clash. War of primary and secondary and tertiary." At the blank stares River clarified. "They're ugly."

Xander looked at her indignantly. "Hey! I only have the one Hawaiian shirt left. You have any idea how hard it is to find a good Hawaiian print these days?"

"Ah, a fellow brother of the true fashion!" Wash grinned widely as he gave Xander a pat on the back. "No worries. I know a guy who can hook you upaahhhh!" He yelped as River stomped on his foot. Hard.

"River!" Simon scolded as he ushered her away from the pilot.

The man's wife was far less sympathetic. "Serves you right husband. I'd have done the same had I been close enough. The less wearing those monstrosities the better."

Wash looked at her hurt. "I thought you liked my shirts?"

"I like them better than your moustache."

They both looked to the side as someone barked out a laugh.

"Sorry," Xander said. "Just pictured Wash with a moustache."

Kaylee came up to the group, not quite as cheerful as usual but still fairly upbeat considering the situation. "She didn't just lock it, she fused it to something. Both entrances."

**"**Why the big act?" Mal asked to nobody in particular. "What was she after?"

"Beside the less-than-innocent captain?" Book stated dryly.

"You want to stow it, preacher? We're in some peril here."

**"**She can fly this thing," Zoe stated. "So why just take the shuttle."

Wash shrugged. "Maybe she likes shuttles."

Zoe and Mal gave him a significant look. Wash raised his hands in front of him. "Some people juggle geese!"

_Huh?_ Xander thought. _There has got to be a story there. Note to self: live long enough to hear said story._

"We're in!" Jayne's voice cut in on the conversation's strange turn.

Everyone followed as the large man shoved the doors open and went into the bridge. Wash and Kaylee immediately went to the navigation console, backs on the floor to look at the wiring

"She's a pro," Kaylee stated as she moved the flashlight around to check more of the damage.

Wash made a noise of agreement. "This is a masterful job of muck-up. See how she crossed the drive feeds?"

"Ya-huh."

"So we even try to reroute, it'll lock down. Jing tsai."

Kaylee shone her flashlight deeper in and pointed. "She went straight for the thermal cap."

"Yeah, yeah." Wash nodded along with his words. "We are so humped!"

Mal glared down at the two mildly. "I'm glad you two are havin' a good time under  
there. Can we progress to the makin' it right?"

Wash pushed himself out from under the console and shook his head. "That's not gonna happen for a long while, cap'n."

"Well we don't have a good long while." Mal waved his hand at the window. "We could be heading straight into a nice big solid moon, for all we know. So how's about we get to work?"

"Hey. It was your big make-out session that got us into this, sir," Kaylee pointed out as she pulled herself up.

**"**I was poisoned!" Mal exclaimed

"You were drugged," Inara corrected. Xander grinned at her.

**"**That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth," Jayne told them; as if this incident just confirmed something he'd always known.

Everyone stopped and stared, trying not to think about what the mercenary had just said. After a minute or so Xander broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Let us never speak of this again."

Mal seemed to agree with that as he turned to Wash. "Well what can you do? "

"Give us some time, we can get the cortex and nav comm back online. At least see where we're headed."

"What about steering?"

"What about stopping?" Inara added.

"She humped us hard," Wash told them seriously. "We're gonna have to do a lot of-"

Mal cut him off. "Well do it. Doesn't help me to see where we're going if I can't change course."

"This girl really knows her ships," Kaylee commented as she and Wash moved back under the console.

"That's not all she knows," Inara said drawing everyone's attention. "She's well schooled."

"What do you mean, the sedative? The good night kiss?" Simon asked.

"Well, I only hit my head," She told them giving Xander a covert look. "But Mal went through that. But, no, I mean seduction. Body language, signals. She's had training. As in companion. As in academy."

"Our little Saffron's quite a wonder. I'm beginning to think she married beneath herself."

Mal sent the Shepherd a glare before turning back to Inara. "How do you know about the training?"

"She tried to seduce me, too." She stated simply.

"Really?" Mal asked with his interest peaked. "Did she... did you..." He fumbled for the right words as Inara grinned and shook her head.

"You don't play a player. It was sloppy of her to try it, but I think she was in a rush."

"Yeah but she had professional... So in my case, it was really..." Mal pointed his finger at Book triumphantly. "You woulda kissed her, too!"

**"**Wash didn't," Zoe pointed out.

"Neither did Xander." Came from River.

"But she was naked!" Mal sputtered out. "And all... articulate!"

"Okay!" Wash said as he pulled himself back out and waved a screwdriver at the crew. "Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere."

Reluctantly everybody headed for the door. Even the captain didn't say anything about being kicked off the bridge. Less distraction meant the mechanic and pilot could finish quicker. The quicker they finish the better the chances of not ending up dead.

Most of the others stayed in the hall but Xander saw Simon leading River to the kitchen area. Xander followed, not so much of any desire to be around the siblings, each made him rather uncomfortable in their own way, but because he knew he could find another icepack there. His had gone warm. At least that's what he told himself. He ignored the fact that he hadn't had the pack on his head since going onto the bridge.

River had stopped and held Simon up in the doorway long enough for Xander to catch up. She turned towards the two and pointed at each. "Stay. Speak."

As she walked past them back into the hallway she patted them on their heads. "Good doggies."

"So…" Xander shifted uncomfortably. "I think she wants us to talk."

"It would appear that way."

"Probably without killing each other. Let me just say, senseless violence is so overrated."

"Yes, quite," Simon said as he gave him a strange look. It actually made Xander feel a little less awkward. At least the doctor didn't know what to say either. "So… How's the head?"

"Oh it's fine. I've taken harder blows to the head before."

"Somehow I can believe that."

After a minute or so of uncomfortable silence Xander decided to cut to what they actually needed to talk about. "Look, about the whole married to you sister thing…"

"I understand that it's not your fault," Simon admitted reluctantly. "You didn't know what you were getting into. River's just…" He struggled for a word but didn't seem to find one that quite fit. "River. She's been through a lot. I'm protective of her."

"No, I get it. If it had been Willow I'd have killed me by now."

"Willow?" Simon questioned. "Your sister?"

Xander smiled. "May as well be." Suddenly Xander's eyes lost their mirth and sadness filled them. "Of been." He corrected himself.

Then the smile was back like it had never been gone. "But hey! If we don't look out for our own who will right?"

He didn't give him a chance to reply before he left and joined the others in the hall.

As he walked away Simon was left re-evaluating his first, admittedly poor, impression of the man. It was obvious to him this Willow was dead. The pain of what happened to his own sister was nearly unbearable at times, but at least she was still alive. At least there was still hope for her.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

"Yes!" Wash's shout caught everyone's attention. Xander arrived on the bridge only a few steps behind the captain. Jayne and Book a moment later. He saw Wash move some tools out of the way and turn to the controls on one of the side panels.

"You got it?" Mal asked.

"Uh, we got light, we got screens. It's a qualified yes." Wash paused half a beat. "A partial."

"What about nav control?"

Kaylee shook her head. "No."

For a second Mal looked like he was going to say something. Instead he asked, "So where we headed?"

"The coordinates she entered we're headed for something and it's not too far." Wash never took his eyes off the controls throughout the conversation. Only moving from one set to another.

"Did she signal anybody?"

"Uh… dung ee hwar," Wash told him as he typed in a command. "She did. Same coordinates, no ID."

Jayne stood peering out the window. "Who's out there?" he wondered aloud.

Suddenly Wash seemed to get an idea and started typing hurried commands into the main control panel. "Let me see if her signal wave can translate into a visual. There might be..." He trailed off as a red blob appeared on the small radar display. "Electromagnetic interference, uh... it's bouncing the signal all over the place." He turned to Mal. "Look at it. Looks like a circle."

Mal peered around the pilot, his brow scrunched slightly as he took it in. "It's a net."

"I don't get it," Jayne said. "Where we headed?"

"The end of the line," Book said grimly, drawing everyone's attention. "It's a carrion house. Scrap shop. Takes ships, pulls 'em apart, or fixes 'em up."

"Doesn't sound that scary," Wash commented. Xander had to agree, but knew better as well. From the looks on the shepherd and captain's faces there had to be more to it. He had a sinking feeling in his gut.

It was proven right as Mal turned to the pilot. "That pattern you're lookin' at is a net. We fall into that we're more than just helpless. It'll turn this ship into one big electrical conduit and burn us all from the inside out."

Xander had to suppress a wince at the thought of being burned alive, not to mention the memory it brought to the fore. The one that remembered when Buffy and Willow were nearly burned at the stake by a demon influenced mob. Another part of his mind pointed out how much he hated the smell of burnt flesh. How much more vile would it be when it was your own?

"Some of the newer ones will just hold you," The shepherd told them. "And then the scrappers will override the airlocks. Pull the O2 or just gas you. They're not looking to deal with survivors."

"Your such a cheery follow Shepherd," Xander piped in with a grin. He though he was doing a good job of covering his nervousness. He never thought he would actually wish this was a demonic mess. At least he would have some idea of what to do. He was out of his depth here. Despite these thoughts the grin never left his face.

"It's not a pleasant way to go son."

"I can think of worse," Xander told him honestly. If he was honest with himself he'd admit that was a large part him keeping it together. For the others, however, he just tilted his head as if deep in thought. "And I'd like to avoid the whole early grave thing altogether if possible. Personally preference."

Kaylee vigorously nodded her agreement.

Jayne ignored Xander and turned to Book. "One day you're gonna tell us all how a preacher knows so damn much about crime."

Book ignored him. In fact, Xander noted, his expression hadn't changed at all. A perfectly school expression that he realized the shepherd had been wearing since the red blob appeared on the screen. Book was a mystery for later though. Like say, when death wasn't imminent.

He could see that same thought flash through Mal's eyes seconds before he turned to the mechanic. "Kaylee?"

"I'm trying sir," she said pointing with a screwdriver to the wires and parts she had pulled out.

"Keep on it. We can't fall into that net." When he spoke next it was more to himself than anyone else. "We're gonna need a Plan B."

Mal ran his fingers through his hair and looked around. Then the proverbial light bulb when off and he walked across the bridge and hit the comm. "Zoë, get our suits prepped now."

He turned to Wash. "I figure we got one shot at this. Gimme a visual as soon as we're close."

"It won't be long."

"What do I do?" Jayne asked as Mal was leaving the bridge.

Mal paused and turned partly. "You go get Vera."

That confused Xander. He thought he had met all of the crew already. So who was Vera? Curiosity getting the best of him Xander followed the big man out. Seeing Jayne veer off towards his bunk with a rather manic grin on his face he decided following Mal was the safer option.

In the cargo bay he watched as Mal and Zoe got several space suits out of storage. He was careful to stay out of the way, but both captain and first mate noticed the odd glint in his eyes. For the life of them they couldn't figure out why. Not that they really had the time to either.

_Space suits!_ Xander thought. _Honest to god space suits! That would be so cool if it wasn't a do or die situation. Then again, cool things happening in a dangerous situation was kinda par for course back home too._

As Xander finished that thought Jayne walked in carrying with him one mother of a big gun. The disturbing grin was still there too. "Got Vera."

"You named your gun?" Xander asked incredulously.

Jayne looked at Xander like he'd grown a second head and started singing the Macarena. "I name all my guns."

"It probably says something about me that I only find that mildly disturbing."

"Named my pecker too," Jayne declared proudly. "I call him Bob."

All movement in the cargo bay stopped. It was Xander's turn to stare at a second head as he blinked rapidly trying to scrub that knowledge from his brain. "The concept of 'too much information' is lost on you isn't it?"

"Ok enough of that," came from Mal, who had stopped halfway into his suit at Jayne's declaration. He kicked another suit in the bigger man's direction. "Suit up."

Jayne lovingly put Vera down and picked up the space suit. "She needs oxygen around her to fire and we don't have a case."

"Gonna use a suit."

"Here." Simon said from a few feet away where he and Book were going through his palm pilot device.

"We got it."

The others gathered round and they saw a model of the electromagnetic net on the screen.

"What am I aimin' for?" Jayne asked, all business now. "The window?"

Mal shook his head. "Well that might kill some folk but it won't short the net. See these six points where it's brightest?" Jayne nodded. "Those are the breakers. Hit one of those, should short it out."

Jayne started to nod again before he stopped suddenly and gave Mal a suspicious look. "What do you mean 'should'?"

Mal didn't respond instead he went over and suited up Vera while Jayne finished his own. He and Zoë helped to secure Vera to Jayne in a way to make it easiest to fire. Before long the inner airlock door was closing behind the three of them.

Xander watched from the window as Zoe opened the outer door and Jayne settled into a good firing position.

"You see it?" he heard Mal asked from the radio Book held.

"Clear as day." Jayne told him as he lined up his shot. "See, Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun."

Then he fired. Xander had to admire the marksmanship as even with two bulky suits hindering him Jayne still managed to nail the breaker on the first shot. Then he saw several more flashes from Vera's muzzle and can tell where the shots are aimed. As he watched the window explode and bodies fly out Xander couldn't bring himself to feel sorry for them. How many people had these human monsters killed before this?

--o--o--o--

By the time they got back to the bridge Wash was already flying them away from the rapidly exploding intergalactic chop shop. He turned and gave them a wide grin.

"We got it," he told them. Unnecessarily perhaps since he was already flying, but everyone still let out a collective sigh of relief. "It's not pretty, but we can steer enough to turn the hell around."

"Nice work, Kaylee," Mal said, his voice lighter than it had been since Saffron drugged him.

Kaylee didn't look nearly as pleased as she looked away and peeled her gloves off. "Not soon enough to help."

"Hey." Mal put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Lot easier to pull things apart than it is put 'em right. Let's do the best we can at floatin'."

Wash looked up as Mal kissed Kaylee on the forehead. "Captain, didn't you know kissin' girls makes you sleepy?"

"Well sometimes I just can't help myself," Mal quipped a second before his face went serious. "Now, let's go visiting."

Xander really didn't want to be Saffron right about now.

--

Most of the crew was waiting when Mal docked the newly recovered shuttle. As he exited it they saw him shaking water off his coat as he walked along the catwalk. This dead end moon was covered in snow and apparently some had melted on his coat.

"You kill her?" were the first words out of Jayne's mouth.

Mal looked up surprised to see everyone but Wash and Inara waiting for him. Wash was busy flying the boat, not trusting things on there own until the controls were fully fixed. Inara was in her own shuttle, presumably looking through potential clients. "What?"

"Did you kill her?"

"She won't be a problem for awhile," Mal said simply.

"So you didn't kill her."

"No Jayne, I didn't kill her." Mal sighed at the mercenary. "But she will be sporting a nice lump awhile."

"What did you do with her exactly?" Book asked.

"Dropped her with the local authorities."

Zoe raised a brow questioningly. "You sure that will keep sir?"

Mal shrugged. "Don't much matter. This rock's not exactly a big port of call. Bad weather, small community, few ships. She's not getting off of this moon any time soon."

"Still think you should have killed her."

"Shut up Jayne."

"Suppose one less crazy wife on the boat's an up side."

"Jayne?" Xander asked. "Do you always say the first thing that pops into your head."

"Most times why?"

"No reason."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I'm poor. I own nothing

--o--o--o--

Surviving a near death experience tends to put Xander in a happy mood. There is a certain euphoria in knowing that despite how things appeared, despite the odds, death isn't taking you by the hand today. He got that feeling a lot back in Sunnydale.

It was nice to share that feeling with people again.

The entire crew had gathered for dinner that night. Book made a meal for them that actually tasted like food. Apparently with spices he was saving for a special occasion. Inara brought out a bottle of fine wine, which he knew had to be expensive though his limited experience couldn't appreciate the vintage.

Jokes were flying and smiles were all around. Everyone was in a good mood. Xander had even voluntarily sat across from River. More than once when River started play footsies with him he caught himself playing too. Then he'd realize what he was doing and she would give him a devilish grin when he stopped. Then she would run her foot back up his leg.

Everyone laughed as Wash finished up a story. Something about juggling, but Xander wasn't really paying attention anymore. His eyes were on his plate as he pushed around what little protein was left over. He replayed the events the last couple days over and over in his mind.

He hadn't plan on getting married. How could he when he was just as surprised as anyone else when he found out he was? The question was would it really be so bad?

_No_, he decided, _it wouldn't._

With the stress of the situation gone for the moment and the benefit of hindsight Xander could see the fun in the situation. The game of cat and mouse with River had got his heart pumping and it was more than just fear that drove it. He wasn't ready to admit it out loud yet mind you, but in his own mind he was safe.

And she liked him! He couldn't believe how nice that felt when he let himself go. It had been so long so someone really liked him that way. Not since he blew it with Cordelia during the fluke incident with Willow back in senior year. Terror filled prom date with Anya not withstanding.

He knew there was an attraction. River was a creature of unbelievable grace. More than any Slayer he had met. It's what had first drawn him to her back on Triumph. The image of her gliding through the throng of dancers with a look that could only be described as pure joy on her face will forever be burned into his mind.

She was beautiful. There was no way around that fact.

And he liked her too.

Then Xander remembered the comment earlier about the stars and looked up. His vision was filled with River's warm, beaming smile. It made his heart flutter in a way it hadn't since, well, he couldn't remember for sure. Since the day he met Buffy and developed that crush? Since the day he realized Cordelia cared for him enough to make their relationship public despite her reputation? Both were huge days for his love life yet neither feeling seemed to fit.

Then his heart broke when he realized he'd never know. He still had to leave her.

--

In the days that followed Xander did his best to avoid the crew, and most importantly River. He didn't want the questions or the looks. What was he going to do now? He wished he knew.

No, that wasn't right. He wished he didn't know. The realization he made at dinner haunted him. This would be so much easier if he was still afraid of her.

But nothing was ever easy and on the day before they were due on Beaumonde the Captain apparently decided enough was enough.

"Knock, knock," Mal said as he opened the door and walked into the room.

_Don't locks stop anybody on this ship?_ Xander wondered.

"Think it's 'bout time you and I had a chat."

"What about?" The look Mal shot him told Xander that playing dumb wasn't going to help. "Ok then."

"You don't live on Beaumonde do you?"

Xander shook his head. "No, just making a delivery. I don't really have a place of my own right now."

Mal nodded having suspected as much. "And after you make your drop off? What then?"

"I'm not worried about the after all that much to be honest." That was the best way he could put it aloud. How could he explain that if everything went right he'd have a whole new set of problems? If things everything went wrong… well, he wouldn't be worrying about problems period anymore.

"Maybe you should," Mal ventured.

Xander sent him a questioning look, not sure exactly where he was going with this.

"A Triumph divorce needs a good talking to with the girl's preacher. For reasons we don't need to talk about that's not happenin' for a good long while. If at all."

"If this is a pep talk it needs some work."

"Not tryin' to make you feel better," Mal told him. "Just laying everything out there."

"Fair enough."

"Way I see it is you got two choices. One you walk away and get on with your life. Pretend this whole marriage deal never happened. No one could blame you if you did. You didn't ask for any of this."

"And the second?"

"You stay," Mal said like he was simply telling someone the weather. "You stay on board 'till we get this whole thing figured. Maybe even find a place here until you find something else. We can always use an extra hand on something if you need to feel useful."

Xander just stared at the man in front of him. It was a generous offer and not one he had been expecting. It was temping too. God was it ever temping. "I can't. There are people counting on me. They just don't know it yet."

"What?"

Xander shrugged. "It's complicated."

They stood there in silence after that. Xander was grateful Mal didn't press for answers. In the end he probably had more questions than answers anyways.

It was Mal who broke the silence. "Didn't think you'd stay."

"You figured me for the type to walk away from a vow? Even one made through small amounts of alcohol and a large amount of ignorance?" Xander asked offended. He knew he shouldn't be. It was essentially what he was planning on doing. It was eating him up to leave things unfinished but it couldn't be helped now.

Mal shook his head. "Nope. Which brings me some confusion since you wouldn't be avoiding everyone if you were plannin' to stay."

Xander didn't know what to say to that so he said nothing. After a long uncomfortable moment Mal nodded and headed for the door.

"Why?" It was barely above a whisper but Mal heard it and paused in the doorway.

"Why what?"

"Why make the offer if you didn't think I'd stay?"

"Because you might have."

Then he was gone and Xander was alone with his thoughts.

--

The next day found Xander going through his meagre possessions, making sure he didn't forget anything. Satisfied everything was in the bag he dug around to the bottom. One last check to do.

Moments later he pulled out a large object wrapped in cloth. Unfurling the cloth revealed a large demonic horn. At three feet long the yellow-brown horn curved the last foot or so before ending in a wicked looking point.

Checking it over Xander nodded to himself and carefully wrapped it back up and placed it securely in his duffle.

It wouldn't do to damage the goods before he could deliver them after all.

He did up his bag and gave the room he'd spent the last week in one last look. With a sigh he went out the door.

Xander didn't get far though. He found Kaylee in the common area.

"Where is everyone?" he asked, privately hoping to avoid as many as possible.

"Cap'n, Simon and River are around somewhere. Wash and Zoe are having 'alone time' and Jayne… Well it's best not to think 'bout where he is. Cap'n gave everyone some ground time 'till tomorrow night."

"Nice of him." Xander wasn't really sure what else to say. The perpetually cheery mechanic wasn't so cheery this morning.

"You really leaving?" she asked him.

"Ya," he replied simply and waited for what he knew was coming.

"Why can't you stay? It wouldn't be no bother to anyone. And the Cap'n said it'd be ok."

"I lost something," he said so quietly she almost didn't hear. "I had friends, family. I had a life once. Now I have a chance, maybe my only one to get it all back. They need me, even if they don't know it. And I need them."

As he walked out of the room Xander said one last thing. "Goodbye Kaylee."

He liked Kaylee. She never seemed to let something get her down. At least not for long. She was one of those rare upbeat and genuinely happy people and he admired that in her. He wished he could say that was going to be the toughest goodbye today. He knew better.

River was already on the cargo bay ramp when he got there. He knew she would be.

For a while Xander just stood next to River on the ramp. He wanted to say something, anything to make this easier. On her, on him, for everyone. He thought it should be easy. Just open his mouth and let all the right words come out. Instead all he got was silence.

She looked at him with big pleading eyes. It took all his will to tear his own eyes away. He felt like the world's biggest ass.

He could freely admit to himself now that he liked her. She was crazy but that wasn't exactly a turn off. Normal was overrated anyway. She kept him on his toes if nothing else. Beautiful and innocent with a hint of danger underneath. Even with the crazy she seemed… well he didn't know but the part of himself he wasn't' listening to right now liked it.

In a single swift move Xander picked up his duffle, kissed her on the cheek and walked down the ramp.

Simon walked up to his sister as she watched Xander disappear in the mass of people milling about the dock. He put his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his side.

"Doesn't want to leave you know," River told him after a few minutes of silence went by. "Against his character to break an oath. But his heart and mind are at war."

River clutch her brother's shirt and looked up into his eyes. "Duty and want. Honour and desire. An internal conflict. It's my fault."

"Why did you marry him mei mei?" Simon asked, though even he was surprised when the question came out. It wasn't what he planned on saying but he also couldn't deny that he wanted to know.

If anything River's searching gaze intensified and Simon had to catch himself not to look away. It was like she was looking deep into the core of his being and it definitely wasn't a comfortable experience to Simon.

"His heart is broken and his soul cries," River told him. "He's lost in the woods. Like me. A kindred soul."

Then she turned from him. She looked away as she hugged herself. "He heals others with a smile and a laugh. I thought we could heal each other."

As River walked away her shoulders slumped and all her innate grace seemed to leave her body. "Now he's just more broken."

"Mei mei…" Simon whispered as he watched her go. The sight tore him apart inside but for the life of him he had no idea what to do now. With all his schooling, all his medical training, there were some things he just couldn't fix.

--o--o--o--

There is a sequel coming. Too many unanswered question for there not  
to be.

--o--o--o--

Coming soon

Lost in Serenity  
Episode 2  
Concrete Jungle  
aka  
The (mis)adventures of Xander and Jayne

Having arrived on Beaumonde Xander delivers the demon horn as  
promised. What's Xander after? Will he get it or make a powerful new  
enemy? Let's face it, what are the odds he won't tick someone off  
either way.


End file.
